May is Mental Health Awareness Month.
I have seen alot of posts this month aimed at educating about mental health and reducing stigma. I love that! Annnnnnd…..I want to address a different type of stigma that comes up in mental health counseling.
The idea that the client needs to protect the counselor.
I have this nifty sweatshirt. It’s very cozy. I wear it as a conversation piece. I know people have a visceral reaction to it. It seems like a pretty callous thing for a therapist to be wearing, right?
Stick with me here!
It’s my reminder to everyone that time spent with me is different than meeting up with your friends for coffee, or calling your family for a chat. There might be things you can’t tell your best friend because they will react in a dramatic way. You might avoid certain conversations with your parents or siblings because they might judge or invalidate you.
But that is not me, or my role.
Imagine for a moment, you go to get a haircut. You think about how much time the stylist spends on their feet cutting hair all day. You think about how other people might have more difficult or easier hair to style than yours. You start to feel guilty that you are there. At the end of your appointment, you hand over your money to the stylist and walk out without ever having anything done to your hair. My guess is that you would be dissatisfied with how that appointment went and feel lousy about your hair still. So, why do you go to a stylist? You go there because they have expertise in cutting hair. They want to know what style you want and they need to know the texture of your hair.
I have expertise in counseling. I want to know how you want to style your life and goals. I need to know the texture of your emotions and experiences. Yet, so often I hear clients tell me that they dropped out of counseling in the past because they were too focused on getting the therapist to like them, or they didn’t want to “burden” the therapist. I call my own clients out when they say things like “I’m afraid you will judge me or be upset if the coping skills we worked on last session didn’t work for me”. Trust me, I know all coping skills don’t work for everyone! I didn’t write them. I have no personal attachment to them. I collect coping skills like other people collect rocks or trading cards. I NEED to know if it didn’t work, so we can try something different. You can come to session and tell me the same thing week after week after week after week….and that is FINE! If it is what you need, then lay it on me! You are paying me for that time!!!
I like to be friendly (I’m not a terrible person), but I am not the same as your friend. I may know your family history (it’s part of the intake form), but I am not your family. If you have a tough day, I am not going to judge you. If you feel angry toward your parents, I am not going to try and talk you out of what you are feeling or tell you that you are wrong. I might help you find reframes, if you want them…but that is not the same as not believing your experience.
I knew what I was getting into when I chose this line of work. You are not a burden! You are not too “messed up” for me to work with you. You are not wasting my time just because you want to work on self discovery and don’t have an extensive trauma history. We all have mental health needs, just like we all have physical health needs. For some it is symptom management, for others it is preventative care. We all have needs! You don’t worry that your doctor is going to be disappointed if you need a tetnus shot. You make the appointment, get your shot and pay your co-pay…and everyone goes about the rest of their day. Guess what? I am a health care provider. I get paid to do this. Stop feeling guilty about making an appointment with me!!